The Trouble With Musicians

Please do not be offended by the content of this post. They are completely fictional and are merely for the sake of entertainment and stress relief. Do have a good laugh after reading this post though.


"The conductor asked our section to sight-read this passage, but he didn't give me any fingerings - and besides, I've forgotten how to read treble clef... Later I asked for permission to be excused from rehearsal for a couple of hours. He seemed very frustrated at me and was about to burst, so I immediately explained that I had to buy a new viola because one of the strings broke."

-- former viola player, on why he was fired from his job in an orchestra


"He ticked me off for swearing over a wrong note played, so I told him he should be grateful I didn't swear not to practise... He also stutters so badly that I can't even figure out whether he wants me to play fortissimo, forti-ssi-ssi-mo or forti-ssi-ssi-ssi-mo..."

-- piano student, complaining about his teacher


"We needed to light a fire in order to cook our catch. At the mention of having to first gather firewood, everyone's face turned towards me... I quickly pointed at Phillip, my flautist friend. I explained that without my double bass, we would not be able to make music together... Someone then interrupted my speech, arguing that Phillip was better off playing the flute by himself; with me around playing the double bass it would chase away all the wild birds instead."

-- double bassist, on how he lost his instrument while stranded on an island


"He asked me if I was learning the Haydn concerto. I insisted it was not composed by Haydn. He was not convinced, so I pointed to the words 'Hob. VIIa' located above the end of the first stave and said that the composer was in fact, Hob Vila."

-- violin student, on a misunderstanding with his teacher